Emotional Regulation in Children: Tantrums, Self-Soothing, Play & Gentle Parenting S9 | Ep234

How do children learn to manage big emotions, and what can parents do to help?

In this episode of The Sense by Meg podcast, Meg Faure speaks with Kelli McDermott, a clinical social worker specialising in infant and early childhood mental health from Georgetown University, about how emotional regulation develops from infancy through the toddler years.

They explore why babies need responsive caregiving, how co-regulation lays the foundation for self-regulation, and why play, language and connection are essential to helping children manage their feelings.

Discover why your child doesn't need to manage every big feeling alone, how to respond when emotions run high and why reconnecting after a tantrum can be more powerful than punishment.

IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN

• What emotional regulation really means: How it goes beyond being calm to managing energy, feelings and responses
• Co-regulation before self-regulation: Why children learn to regulate their emotions through safe, supportive relationships
• Why meeting your baby's needs matters: How responsive caregiving in early childhood builds the foundations for independence.
• Why your toddler can do something one day and struggle the next: How temperament, sleep, hunger, frustration and developmental demands affect a child's ability to regulate.
• Self-soothing and baby sleep: How to think about sleep through the lens of regulation.
• The role of play and language: How stories, songs, play and naming feelings help children practise emotional skills.
• Gentle parenting versus permissive parenting: Why empathy and connection can coexist with firm, appropriate boundaries.
• How to respond to toddler tantrums: Why connection comes before teaching, and how to help your child feel safe enough to reconnect after a difficult moment.
• When your child needs space: How to stay emotionally available without overwhelming a child who needs time to calm down.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introducing Kelli McDermott and the importance of emotional regulation

03:23 What is emotional regulation, and how does it develop?

05:34 From soothing your baby to supporting an independent toddler

07:04 Co-regulation: When children borrow our calm

09:19 Why a child's ability to regulate changes from day to day

11:08 Building the foundations of emotional regulation from birth

13:04 Self-soothing, baby sleep and what the science tells us

17:19 Sleep, family needs and the realities of modern parenting

20:47 How play helps children develop emotional regulation

23:58 Why naming feelings and building emotional vocabulary matter

27:03 Connection, empathy and helping babies feel safe

28:06 Toddler tantrums, boundaries and gentle parenting

33:07 The ABC approach: Acknowledge, Boundary, Choice

35:13 Why connection comes before correction

36:10 Reconnecting after a tantrum without reinforcing unwanted behaviour

38:22 When to offer comfort and when to give your child space

ABOUT THE GUEST

Kelli McDermott is a clinical social worker and mental health clinician who specialises in infant and early childhood mental health from Georgetown University.

Follow Kelli on [LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelli-mcdermott-licsw/ )

Want to dig deeper into regulation? Join us for the next Parent Sense Lunch & Learn for professionals on 13 November 2026.

Kelli joins Meg and Beryl Smith to unpack Regulation before Education and why co-regulation has to come first. [Register here.](https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelli-mcdermott-licsw/ )

ABOUT THE SENSE BY MEG PODCAST

Sense by Meg Faure is a weekly podcast for parents who want evidence-based guidance. Hosted by Meg Faure.

The podcast is proudly associated with Parent Sense, the all-in-one parenting app for routines, sleep, nutrition and expert advice.

Parent Sense App: Your all-in-one baby care app with personalised support from pregnancy to five years including routines, nutrition and expert advice.

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